A New Friend
by TheSkySpiritsTalentShow
Summary: Set after Huffin and Puffin. Hans arrives at Hoboken, the zoo of his nightmares. Clemson is the first to take him in. HansxClemson...don t judge from the title or summary, my brain s dead right now. xP


**A\N: I don´t know who came to Hoboken first. Even though Hans was seen getting shipped to the zoo first in **_**Huffin and Puffin**_**, it could be that in **_**Right Hand Man**_**, Clemson got shipped from New Jersey to New York then back to Hoboken.**

**In this story, when Hans got shipped to Hoboken, Clemson was already there.**

**(plus Rhonda, Lulu and Savio, they´re also there)**

**Disclaimer: I don´t own PoM but if they´re seriously not starting the series up again, I´m going to become a millionaire and buy the show\rights. xP**

**-8-**

Hans could kick himself. How could he be so stupid and trust Skipper?! Of course the penguin wouldn´t send him to a nice little zoo where each animal has a comfy bed and TV in their habitats.

Still, he hadn´t expected his frienemy to ship him to HOBOKEN! Not that he knew how the zoo looked like or how the zookeepers were, but one look at the logo with the skinny dog vomiting…well, it said enough.

The puffin sighed and curled up in his crate. It was so uncomfortable, especially with the truck bouncing and rattling so loudly that sleep was impossible. Plus he was hungry. Oh, how he wished for a Danish right now!

Hans rummaged through his feathers. He should have a spare one somewhere…ah! There it was. He ´bit´ into the pastry. A little stale, but the sugar and cinnamon tasted just right to the frustrated, sleepy puffin.

"I should get some shut-eye." He said out loud to himself. "Maybe the zoo is so terrible that I´ll have to flee. I do not want to fall asleep in the middle of running from rabid humans with tazers."

Hans finished his pastry and then lay down on the hard, bumpy floor, using his wings as pillows. He drifted off in a dreamless, light sleep.

A few hours later, the truck jerked to a stop and woke up the Dane. He sat up and rubbed his eyes as the driver opened the back of the truck. Hans felt the crate being lifted out not so carefully and he was thrown against a wall.

"HEY!" He yelled angrily, pounding his wings on the crate lid. "Be gentle with me!"

The driver started walking. At one point someone joined him, probably a Hoboken zoo keeper, and the two started talking.

As they got closer to the gates, Hans started to hear frightening noise. Groaning, moans, yelps and even choking sounds.

"Well, here we are. But where will we put the bird?" Came a voice from outside. The driver.

"I dunno. How bout with the monkey?" That was his friend.

"What? Are you crazy? Haven´t you heard what chickens do with the animals that are weaker than them? They peck their eyes out!" Driver.

"Not sure this is a chicken, though." Friend.

"It´s a bird! What´s the difference!" Driver.

Hans rolled his eyes, then face palmed. Humans could be so stupid sometimes.

"Hm, how bout the cat thing? Or the walrus?" Friend.

"They´ll eat the puffin! No, we´ll put him with the snake. I heard birds and snakes can lead a great relationship." Driver.

"Yeah, puffins get along with snakes but not monkeys? Where´s the logic, guys?!" Hans said.

"See? If the bird wants to be put with the snake. You hear its squawking?" Driver.

"Fine." Friend.

Hans suddenly felt a tingly sensation in his stomach and he found he felt light like a feather. It took him another moment to realized that the idiot had thrown the crate and he was going to crash land any second.

He flapped his wings out of panic and tried to get out of the box.

"C´mon, let´s go get some coffee." Driver.

"HEEELLLLPPPP" Hans yelled. He prepared himself for the breaking of bones and cracking of his beak. Oh it´s going to be painful.

The impact did come, but softer and more painless than he thought. He opened his eyes. The crate was still intact. So he didn´t crash? What?

The lid was removed and sunlight poured in. Hans squinted till his eyes adjusted to the light. As soon as he could see again, the puffin wanted to faint. Staring back at him were beautiful golden eyes, ready to kill.

"Oh~…what a ssssurprisse we have hear…!" The snake hissed. He uncurled his tail from the box.

"AHHHHH! DON´T EAT ME!" Hans yelped. He flapped his wings and tried to escape but his scarred fins and new roommate won´t allow it. In a second, the golden boa had wrapped his slick, long body around the Dane.

"I´m not going to eat you yet. First, I´m going to squeeze your inwards to mush, and then I´ll eat you. Oh and stop your annoying screaming." He began to throttle the puffin.

Hans squeezed his eyes shut and prayed for a savior. A few moments later he heard, "Hey Savio!"

The squeezing stopped and Hans sighed with relief.

"What?! Can´t you see I´m busy here?!" Savio snapped.

"Hey…" came a lazy female voice. "Leave a bite for me…I´m hungry too, ya know."

_Wait, what?! _The Dane opened his eyes in shock. He saw a fat female walrus leaning against the fence.

"No problem, Rhonda." Savio said and went back to squeezing.

"No…stop…" Hans choked. Then he remembered something. A very important little detail Skipper had told him once. Back when they were still friends, he had taught Hans a fighting move. The puffin reacted quickly before his mind could even finish pondering on whether to use the move or not.

Savio hissed in pain and let the bird fall to the floor quickly. Before Hans´ feet even touched the floor, he was already back in the fair, flapping frantically. The wind helped carry him far enough to land on the dirty sidewalk on the other side of the fence. He didn´t stop there. He ran.

And ran until a few seconds later he kissed a street lamp. The puffin fell back on his tail and rubbed his sore beak. What a great morning he was having.

"Hey birdie!" He heard an angry voice calling out to him.

"UGGH! WHAT NOW?" He groaned.

"You think you´re so tough and cool just because you´re a newcomer?" Hans turned to face a angry chimpanzee (definitely not a monkey) with a flower tucked behind her ear.

"What did I do?"

"Oh, birds are so tough and mean. We can´t put him with the monkey, cuz he´ll peck her eyes out! Watch out, monkeys! Ima big bad bird with a stupid, garish beak and I will hurt you pretty bad!" She kicked Hans in the stomach.

The Dane wheezed and clutched his abdomen. "What the hell, lady? Can´t you be a bit more gentle with me?"

"Are you saying just because I´m a girl and pretty that I can´t be rough with guys?" She kicked him again. "Shame on you! Categorizing girls as the lesser and weaker gender!"

"OWWW! Stop it! Why won´t you just leave me alone?!"

"How rude! Where are your manners!? You just came here, jerk!"

"Kick me again and I´ll break your leg, girl-OWWWW!"

"That's for calling me a girl!"

"Oww!"

"That´s for threatening me!"

Hans blocked a slap and started running again. He didn´t care if he looked like a complete coward, running from a girl. Right now he just wanted to be safe from all these psychos.

He found a wrecked car standing in the middle of the zoo and hid behind one of the doors. For a moment he thought he was safe, until he heard a voice.

"Hey there."

"AH! GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY!" The puffin shrieked. He started hitting blindly around himself, still yelling.

It wasn´t long until he was aware of some laughter. He slowly stopped pounding the air to dust and looked up.

Standing on the hood of the car was a red furred lemur with freaky neon blue eyes.

The Dane took note of two things. First, the lemur wasn´t attacking him, yelling or trying to eat him. And second, his slightly mad laughter was kinda cute.

"Who are you?" Hans said

The lemur stopped his cackling and smirked down at him. "My name´s Clemson. I´m a power hungry maniac and perfect for Hoboken. I see you met my other ´friends´. You have to toughen up if you want to survive here, puffin."

The other scowled at being called weak. "I am very tough! I fought a commando penguin with fish and escaped from Danish authorities!"

"Yeah, whatever, man." Clemson jumped down next to the puffin. "So, what´s your name?"

"Hans. Hans the puffin."

"Well, Hans. I´m going to guess you don´t want to go back to Savio, right? How bout you stay with me?"

Hans pondered about that for a moment. He didn´t know the lemur and so far no one has been friendly, but then again he hasn´t tried to hurt him yet. Besides, there´s no other place he could go.

"Alright…but I won´t hesitate to Karate chop you if you try anything."

Clemson turned his head to smirk at him. "Try anything violent or try anything sexual?"

The Dane blushed. "Both!"

His new friend laughed and they continued to the lemur´s habitat. It wasn´t fancy, but it was clean. And in this dump that meant a lot.

The concrete structure was tall and had small square rooms formed in it. It looked like a misshapen slice of Swiss cheese sitting upright.

"This is my home!" Clemson announced, jumping over the rusted fence and landing in soft grass.

Hans followed him around the building to a wooden ladder.

Each little room served a certain purpose. There was a bathroom, a bedroom, a kitchen and a room filled with comics and magazines.

The lemur walked over to a room with a hay-filled sack as couch and a broken TV sitting in the corner. He sat down on the sack and motioned Hans over next to him.

The puffin complied. He sighed. "You know, this kinda reminds me of the Penguins´ HQ with all the human like things."

Clemson gave him a weird look. "Penguins? We don´t have penguins here in Hoboken."

"No, I´m talking about the Central Park Zoo. Four penguins live there, Kowalski, Rico, Private and…_Skipper_."

"So, I´m guessing you don´t like this Skipper guy?"

"No, he´s my arch. He´s the reason I got shipped to Hoboken in the first place."

"Whoa! He must really hate you! What happened?"

And for some reason Hans found himself telling the strange lemur everything. From Denmark to returning to New York for revenge.

Clemson stood up in the middle of the story and went to get some beer for both of them.

"Stole them from the humans." He replied to Hans´ questioning look. "Carry on."

When the puffin had finished talking, Clemson started telling his story. How he grew up in Madagascar and heard about a king. He had always longed for the crown himself and decided to get rid of the royalty. But before he could execute his plan, he got kidnapped by some curious tourists who thought he was a cat. He saw New York for the first time and lived in civil till the human family kicked him out on the street, thinking he had fleas. Clemson tried to get home, wandered too far and ended up in Hoboken.

"I heard that this King I tried to overthrow in Madagascar got shipped to the Central Park Zoo. I can´t get there by foot, but I have a plan to ship myself there." The lemur said.

"I´ll help!" Hans said, thinking about his revenge.

"Well, man, I would love to take you along, but this is a personal and kinda touchy plan, so I think I´ll pass on company for now." He smiled at the Dane.

"Alright." Hans said. He tried hard not to look disappointed. It didn´t work, so Clemson bumped his shoulder with his paw.

"Hey, how about some more beer?"

"Sounds good!"

Two hours, a few empty bottles and dozen stories later, the two friends were leaning against each other, both laughing with beer in wing or paw.

"And- and then I said, You have no idea…" Hans said. "You should´ve seen his face! He was all like, ´whaaaaat?´ Hahaha! That was so hilarious!"

"O-oh, I bet…" Clemson wiped his eyes and grinned. "You really have funny stories, Hans."

"I know…I guess my life is funny…" The puffin said. He blinked sleepily and shifted so he was laying against the lemur. The other raised an eyebrow, but didn´t say anything.

Truth was, he was happy. Hans is his first real friend. He never had any because he was selfish and proud, always cheating and lying his way to the top. Not that he got depressed from the lack of buddies, but it felt nice to have some company. Especially Hans. His feathers were soft, he smelled like cinnamon and sea and he was interesting. Not to mention his golden eyes specked with brown. Talk about beautiful…

"Hey Hans…" Clemson said.

"Hm?" Came the tired response.

"Are you gay?"

At this the puffin opened his eyes. "What?"

"Are you gay? Or, you know, bi?"

The other fidgeted for a moment before answering, trying to act nonchalant. "Well, there were some guys back at my military camp I thought were cute or attractive, but I never dated someone or had fantasies of any sort."

"Oh."

"Why do you ask?"

"Just curious…listen, I´ll get some more beer and blankets."

"Blankets?"

"You´re staying with me, remember?" Clemson stood up and walked out of the room. Hans wrapped his flippers around himself and waited. It was really cold. Normally he wouldn´t feel anything through his feathers, but this was even colder than in Denmark. It´s like New Jersey had decided to outdo Scandinavia.

Clemson was so nice to take him in like that. Even if the lemur had only because he was lonely. Skipper would never take in a stranger, the penguin was way too paranoid for that, Hans thought.

Besides, stranger or not, Hans was never welcomed in the penguin´s home. This made Clemson much more likable.

Speaking of furry red ball of adorable, this is how Hans felt about his new friend. He was so cute with his ringed blue eyes and his dramatic gestures when he talked. He felt strangely happy when the other asked him if he were gay. Almost as if he was suggesting something.

And the Dane was good with unspoken words. Clemson had been talking to him in hints all day and the encoded message was strange and exciting. Not to mention confirmed with the lemur´s most recent question.

´Are you gay?´ aka ´I think I like you. Could our newfound friendship turn into something?´

Yes.

"I´m back!"

"Finally! Any longer and I would have freezed to death!"

Clemson threw him a blanket, then sat down beside him with his own cover and two bottles. "Oh and Hans?"

"What?"

"It´s ´froze´ not ´freezed´."

The puffin shrugged as he pulled his blanket up to his beak. "English is so hard."

"Well, be glad that you have a native speaker as your new friend. I´ll help you polish your English."

"Thanks, I can help you learn a bit Dansk if you want."

The other made an agreeable sound and closed his eyes. For a moment he considered snuggling up to the Dane for extra warmth, but decided against it. No need scaring off his only friend.

It took him a few seconds to realize it. Another body was pressing against his underneath the covers. He gave Hans a confused look. The Dane smiled back innocently. "What? I was so cold and you´re so warm…"

"…" Clemson nodded and tried to say something, but nothing came out. The other didn´t seem to notice and buried his face in the red fur.

For a while no one said anything. The lemur was so sure Hans was going to comment on his crazy heart beats, but the puffin stayed quiet. The only sound was his breathing, coming out in little puffs and tickling Clemson´s fur every time he exhaled.

Said villain finally leaned back and allowed himself to relax, telling himself that now was the best time than ever, they were already snuggled up under the same blanket.

"H-hey, Hans?"

"…"

"I-I…well…I don´t know how to say t-this really…but…I think I like you…"

"…"

"I know, I know, it´s weird and stupid. We´ve only met like a few hours ago but, I guess I just wanted to tell you."

"…"

"Hans?"

Clemson carefully put his paw on the feathery chest and pushed back. The Dane´s head rolled back, revealing closed eyes and a peaceful expression. The lemur laughed quietly and shook his head, his heartbeat slowing down. He gently moved himself so he was lying on the couch and positioned Hans next to him, letting the puffin´s head rest on his chest.

The light in his habitat automatically turned off as the street lamps switched on. Clemson pulled the blanket over them and wrapped his arms around the limp body next to him. He drifted off and was soon sound asleep.

**A\N: Awww…well that´s it. xP More pairing one shots coming up soon! XP I didn´t want to write the cliché "I love you. I love you too" thing. **

**Every time you review, a penguin is born! ^^ SO REVIEW! XP**

**Clemson confessed into liking Hans and hating everyone else.**

**Behold, a quote from "The Hoboken Surprise"**

"**Look, can we be honest here? Of course we can, we´re friends. Well, not friends the way I think of it…"**

**;)**


End file.
